Emotions
by n00dl3gal
Summary: The mutual feelings of Armin and Eren, and the situations that surround them. EreMin. Current chapter: Compassion. Originally a oneshot, now a four-chapter fic. Rated T for boy snogging and language. Cover image by Chromatosis-art on tumblr.
1. Bravery

OK, so I started watching Attack on Titan.

TAKE MY ADVICE AND DON'T DO WATCH IT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HEART INTACT.

Anyway, I published this on tumblr last night, and here is a slightly edited version. Still unbetaed, though, and I've only watched four episodes so if it's a bit OOC or non-canon ignore it please?

I don't own Attack on Titan. If I did, then PEOPLE WOULDN'T DIE SO FRIGGIN' MUCH.

EDIT: OK, so this is now Chapter One of a story I'm doing. New format, same material.

Chapter bio: There are several kinds of courage, and it takes Eren for Armin to realize that.

* * *

Armin runs across the back hallways of the building Eren is housed in. He freezes at the sound of a guard's breath, biting his lip to silence himself until blood seeped onto his tongue, desperately trying to keep his heartbeat down. He wishes he had worn his boots, but they were too noisy against the ground. At least he has his uniform jacket to protect him from the chill. He's breaking so many rules; he'd be lucky if he wasn't shipped back out to just harvest crops. At the very least, he's facing several missed meals.

He grips the edge of the wall, poking his head around to see the door to Eren's cell. The lone officer on duty is leaning against the floor, asleep. With a gulp, Armin inserts the key he borrowed from Hanji- that reminds him, he needs to get a few teeth and some hair from Eren- into the slot. With a miniscule squeak, it opens. He steps into the dank prison, whispering "Eren?"

The other boy, clad in his sleeping clothes, is sleeping restlessly. Eren is on the verge of slipping from the tangled sheets. Armin walks closer and nudges the shoulder of his snoring companion. "Eren."

"Aaa!" Eren yells as he collapses onto the stone floor. "Fuck, that hurts- Armin?" he asks groggily, finally noticing the blond before him.

"Hey Eren. I-I heard you've been having trouble sleeping, and frankly, so have I, so I came to see how you've-" Armin begins until Eren cuts him off.

"How the hell did you get in here?" His voice is quiet, nervous, pleased.

Armin flushes. "I, uh, Hanji let me borrow her key," he says. "But, um, I'll need some, well…"

"Samples?" Eren offers. Armin nods furiously. "God, Armin. That's just… fuck."

Armin jolts and reaches inside his bag. "Oh yeah! This is from Mikasa. Neither of us were sure how much you were being fed, so…" he rambles off as he reveals a small loaf of bread.

Eren snatches the loaf, replying "they aren't starving me, but… God, Armin," he repeats. He takes a monstrous bite from the bread. A few days stale, but perfectly edible. "Tell Mikasa thanks," he spits out between chews. After a second, he rips a hunk off and it to Armin.

"Th-thanks." He accepts it, even though he's not hungry.

Eren regards him as he devours the loaf. He takes a final gulp before questioning his guest. "You realize how much trouble you could get in?" A wordless nod. "You could be killed." Another nod. "Why did you do it?"

Armin is suddenly very interested in his fingertips. "Everyone's really worried about you," he starts. "We rarely get to see you outside of missions."

Eren rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but why you? No offense, but you're not exactly 'daring,' Armin."

"It's just… damn it, Eren, I'm scared!" Armin finally admits, tears rushing down his cheeks. "The only reason I was willing to do all this was because I needed to see you! I can't sleep- I miss you being next to me… and…" He starts to choke up. "I-I'm afraid you'll get hurt… or l-lose control as a Titan… they could KILL you, Eren! And then what would I do? You and Mikasa are all I have left!"

Eren is taken aback by the confession. Armin was never one to hide his emotions; him crying shouldn't be surprising. And yet it takes everything Eren has to grasp his friend's shoulders. "Armin, it's OK. Quiet down, you want to wake the guard?" He sighs. "Please, I'll be OK. WE'LL be OK. C'mon, look at me," he pleads. And when cyan seeks emerald, something erupts in both.

For Armin, it's nothing new. Ever since Eren first rescued him from bullies at the age of nine, a certain amount of affection has always lurked inside his heart.

But it's different for Eren. He never quite understood why he was so protective of his bookish friend. Even now, the motivation for all his fears for Armin's safety are unclear. Nevertheless, he feels no qualms in his actions.

And so it is with little hesitation that the boys' lips clash.

It is awkward; ironically, it seems that Armin is the more bold of the two, gingerly tugging and nibbling the brunette's lower lip. Eren is more subtle, giving and taking to Armin's will while applying very little pressure of his own. Eren grabs the collar of Armin's jacket, and the blonde is holding Eren's face just a bit too tightly. At one point, teeth knock into each other, and shortly after they pull apart.

Armin is panting slightly. He had been wanting to do that for so long, and having it finally happen… it seemed even less likely of him than sneaking out in the first place. "Eren…" he whispers.

As a response, Eren wraps his arms around his companion. "You are braver than you give yourself credit for. You are smart, you are funny, and you are courageous." Each compliment is accompanied by a tender brush of lips on Armin's neck, causing the shorter boy to shiver.

"Eren… can I stay here tonight? Share the bed with you, like old times?" Armin asks gently. Eren nods his agreement. Together, they slip onto the mattress. There are words that could be spoken, actions that could be taken, but neither teen seems interested in them. They're just happy to have each other near for a change.

When Levi finds them the next morning, holding hands, he shakes his head, but closes the door. _Let the brats get some time together, _he thinks,_ because who knows how long it's going to last._

* * *

God damn it, I wanted this to be fluffy. Then Levi shows up. Shoot.


	2. Restlessness

Here it is, chapter two! Still steamy (because my hormones are running wild), still unbetaed, still originally on tumblr. Beautiful. The cover art is by the wonderful chromatosis-art on tumblr. Go check her out, she ROCKS.

I don't own Attack on Titan. I can barely watch it anymore; it makes me too depressed. Yet I still write fanfics...

Chapter bio: Just as there are a variety of types of courage, there is a number of forms of fear. Armin makes Eren experience all of them. Takes place 2-8 months after chapter one.

* * *

Eren really hopes that the few tips on lockpicking he learned from Sasha would actually work and not just be a load of shit. If he was to be found, forget about being locked up. He would be facing the fucking death penalty.

He still isn't completely sure WHY he's doing this, but he knows that Armin is at the center of it.

…

It had been a long battle. He suffered many injuries as a Titan, and even now his shoulders still ached like hell. It was no small miracle Eren managed to convince Levi to leave him unshackled for the night- too much strain on the muscles, he claimed. As he attempted to ignore the pain and drift into slumber, the conversation between a pair of guards caught his attention.

"Yeah, kid's pretty banged up. He's not cut out for the front lines." Eren vaguely wondered who "he" was.

"Amazing he lived," agreed the other watchman.

"Let's hope there's no brain damage," said the first. "He's one of the best tacticians we have." That made Eren's ears prick up. Tactician…?

And his fears were confirmed. "Don't let Jaeger know. Arlet's his best friend."

Eren's world shattered. "Fuck," he whispered.

Armin had been hurt, and badly.

…

The lock gives, and Eren tucks the hairpin he stole from Hanji back into his boot. He tiptoes into the hospital wing. Only one bed is occupied.

Eren's breath hitches. Armin's soft, topaz hair is swaddled in bandages. Cuts pepper his face, especially his cheeks. A fist grasps at the blanket, bloodied knuckles fading to white.

Stunned, Eren collapses into the chair beside Armin. Without thinking, the brunette strokes the matted bangs of his companion. He can only think of two things: why it should be HIM, not Armin, that's in the fucking infirmary, and that night a few months ago when… Eren's lips tingle at the memory.

Eren almost yells when something grabs his wrist. He was so preoccupied he failed to notice Armin waking up.

"Eren." It's not a question.

"Um, hey, Armin," Eren starts. "I heard you were sick. I know it's traditional to bring flowers, but hey, it's war-"

"Cut the bull, Eren." Armin's icy stare silences the other boy. "We already did this months ago, so tell me HOW you found out."

Eren gulps. "What do you mean?"

"I specifically said that you were not to know I was hurt. Because I knew you would do something like THIS," Armin replies.

Eren's stomach drops to the balls of his feet. "Pot calling the kettle bla- wait, you DIDN'T want your BEST FRIEND to know?!"

Armin clamps a hand over Eren's mouth. "Shh! I guess it was pretty stupid. You would've figured it out," he admits with a blush. "But damn it, Eren, why are you so freaked out? This isn't the first time I've been injured."

"Shit, Armin, I should be the one all beat up, not you. You're the brains here, not the combat expert," Eren answers. "We joined the Survey Corps to be TOGETHER, not apart. And yet I'm seeing you less and less." He feels a tear escape against his will.

Armin sighs and lays back down, head resting on the pillow. "I know. I hate this too. But we knew the risks when we joined. Our skill sets are different, Eren. It was going to happen eventually."

"NO!" Eren shouts, forgetting his place, forgetting what situation they are in. "Us being separated defeats the purpose of even being in the army!"

The blonde freezes. "What?" he breaths.

The taller boy looks to his lap, to his balled-up fists. Fuck, why was he having trouble talking. It was just Armin. Armin… his heart fluttered. Oh God, it FLUTTERED.

"Look, Armin… I realized a while ago that I had several motivations for wanting to kill the Titans. Like wanting to avenge my mom. And seeing the outside world with you. And proving that humanity can fight back."

Armin nods. "I knew that already. What's your point?" he asks.

"Basically… I'm not fighting for my mom anymore. I'm fighting so we can see the ocean together."

It's a revelation to them both. Eren pauses because that is it THAT was had been the drive behind everything tonight, the visit, the crying, EVERYTHING.

To Armin, it means something different. His brain is already working overtime. If seeing the ocean was more important than Eren's own mother, then… he recalls an event from his childhood.

…

"Hey Mom!" Eren yelled to the kitchen from the front door. "Me and Armin are gonna go play!"

Carla turned from cutting potatoes for a stew. "OK, Eren. Just be careful and come back for dinner. I love you, dear."

Eren blushed. "Yeah, yeah, love you too," he mumbled.

Within seconds, Carla had her arms wrapped around her son. "Oh Eren, you finally said it! You finally said you loved me, after eight years!"

The boy shoved his mother off, scoffing, "well, you're the only person that I ever will."

"Not even your father?" questioned the woman.

Eren laughed. "The man's never around, he doesn't earn it anyway!" He ran off, calling back "C'mon Armin!" The other boy, who had watched the exchange uneasily, gave chase.

"Eren Jaeger, get back here!" Carla hollered after the children.

…

If Armin's wish ranked higher than his mother- the only person, Eren claimed, to ever be able to love- than that must mean that Armin was at least an equal to Carla. That Eren was in…

Armin sits up and pulls Eren's lips onto his.

"Armin!" Eren gasps, but willingly returns the gesture, applying gentle pressure in response. "You're hurt-"

"Let me have this," Armin interrupts. "Please." And Eren is all too willing to comply, kissing every wound and bruise on his friend's face. When lips return to lips, both boys wrestle for the upper hand. While Eren manages to straddle Armin, it is the blonde who dictates the motions of their tongues.

Much too quickly for either's taste, it dissolves. Without a word, Eren pushes over a vacant bed and slips beneath the covers. He grabs Armin's hand, kisses it, and promptly begins to snore.

Armin giggles, stroking his thumb over Eren's knuckles. "Eren, just so you know… I love you too."

At sunrise, Eren leaves, sneaking back into his cell just before Levi checks on him. The teen fails to notice the slight glint in the corporal's eye. _The brats needed this. It may have been the last time._

* * *

AGAIN LEVI REALLY

Anyway, Armin saying "I love you too" should not be surprising, as Eren saying Armin's more important than his mother is basically a confession. I just like to think that Eren struggles with words, especially caring stuff like this. Also, with this chapter being in Eren's POV versus Armin's, well, now the amount of swears isn't so bad.


	3. Compassion

Chapter three already? Oh my God.

OK, same junk as usual. No beta reader, originally on tumblr, yada yada yada. But this chapter is pushing an M rating so watch out.

Chapter summary: When Armin and Eren are adults, they realize that there are multiple forms of adoration.

* * *

"Arlert, keep up!"

Armin sighs and yells back "yes sir!" He dashes as far as he can in the slippery mud and pulsating rain, but still falls a bit short of the rest of the squad.

Eren spares him a backward glance and an encouraging smile. While both he and Armin have grown much stronger in the past three years, it's still hard for the blonde teen to complete physically strenuous tasks.

'Except he wouldn't be a teen, would he?' thinks Eren. 'We're both eighteen now. We're adults.'

And seniority has its advantages. Eren finally gained a fair bit of control as a Titan, and no longer had to sleep shackled and in a cell (he still, however, was quartered in a separate room from the other soldiers for monitoring and safety purposes). Armin was among the chief tacticians and rarely saw battles first hand. The only reason he was on this mission was due to the increased number of casualties recently.

It's hard for Eren to return his focus to the hike. Armin, even splattered in debris, is captivating. What once was an adorable bowl cut is now stringy and pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. Eren notices the glint of metal in Armin's pocket- ever since being promoted, his eyesight's gotten worse, to the point he now requires reading glasses. Secretly, Eren found them insanely attractive.

What the brunette doesn't realize is that Armin keeps falling behind due the distraction of his own form. Muscles in all the correct places, shaggy brown hair that flew in the watery wind, a slight stubble that tickled when they would meet in secluded corners.

"That's enough. We're camping here tonight," the commander orders. It takes all of Armin's remaining strength to not collapse into the dirt. Eren is beside him instantly, propping the smaller of the two up.

"Damn, that was hard," Armin huffs.

Eren pats his soaking topaz hair. "You did fucking good."

The commander sends the pair a look, and the two realize they're the only ones not saluting. Silently, they each strike the pose, fists curled.

"Alright, tent assignments. Ackerman, you're with Braus," the superior begins. Mikasa nods gravely. Sasha beams.

Eren doesn't particularly pay attention until- "Arlert, you and Jaeger."

"S-sir?" Armin squeaks. "Isn't Er- I mean, Jaeger- supposed to stay with you? For safety reasons?"

The commander glares at the tactician. "It's one night. Unless you'd rather share with Springer?"

Armin shakes his head wildly. "No, sir."

"Then pitch your tent."

. . .

The squad members all huddle around the fire they built, pleased that the rain paused long enough for them to eat and warm up.

Eren pushes his rations around in their tin container. The shock of sharing a tent with Armin has scared away his appetite. Does no one realize the implications?

'Of course they don't,' Eren thinks bitterly. 'We've been careful. It's a secret.'

He isn't sure what kind of relationship he experienced with Armin. They would sneak into the kitchen late at night for a moonlit kiss, or Armin would break into Eren's room to comfort the shifter's hellish nightmares and engulf him in a crushing embrace. But the subject of levels of affection hadn't come up since Armin's injuries nearly three years ago.

It wasn't that being with someone of the same sex was frowned upon. If anything, it was encouraged, as it prevented more children from being born and therefore further starvation. But the military was less forgiving with dating of any kind. The soldiers' focus was Titans, not personal pleasure.

So while the other recruits chat freely, Armin and Eren sit side by side in awkward quiet. Neither wants to think about what might happen. Recently, their meetings have gotten significantly more urgent, more demanding. The tents are just large enough for one person and their pack. Squeezing in two would cause close proximity, and that was the last thing the duo needed.

A flash of red tears emerald eyes from murky brown stew. "Eren," Mikasa says plainly. Eren sighs. "You are uncomfortable."

Eren nods. "Yeah."

"Has Armin hurt you?" Her voice is vaguely threatening.

He gasps. "No, God no. He's the only thing that cures my pain," he answers without thinking. His face turns the same color as his adoptive sister's scarf.

Mikasa's eyebrows raise, but they soon settle, a slight upturn of her lips present. "I see. Then do what you must. I don't mind." Before Eren can reply, she's gone.

Armin tugs on the tan sleeve of Eren's jacket. "Did you mean that?" he whispers.

"What?"

"That I'm the only thing that, and I quote, cures your pain," he clarifies.

Eren pales. "What? I- that is- ah, shit. Yes. Yes, I meant that."

"Well… same here."

. . .

It is, as Eren expected, cramped in the tent. It doesn't help any that Armin's ass is right in his face.

"There they are!" the blonde exclaims, standing straight. "OK, I'm going to change now."

"O-OK," Eren chokes out. Damn it, is Armin really THAT naive?

The boots come off first. Then the jacket. Eren can see the ridges of Armin's shoulder blades through the sweat- and rain- soaked white top. And when that's removed and he can see the scars marring that perfectly cream skin-

"Whoa!" Armin yelps as Eren spins him around, places his hands on the other's abs, and kisses him. Hard.

It takes less than two seconds for Armin to begin fiddling with Eren's straps. Start breathing in that musky scent of Titans and forest and perspiration and EREN. He falls to the ground, Eren pinning him down, panting out words between touches of lips.

"I just- I heard you- that night- fuck, Armin- you look so GOOD- three years- wasn't asleep- I heard you- you said I- oh shit, you're beautiful…"

Armin flips him over so he's on top, and Eren yanks out his ponytail. To the brunette, it's like the very first time when Armin broke into his cell and he realized that-

"I love you."

Both stop. Armin's entire body hitches. "You mean that?"

"I meant what I said earlier," Eren replies slowly.

And Eren's shirt is in tatters. Armin is kissing, and oh God, he's LICKING- the other's chest. He fumbles with Armin's belt and brushes something hard, something that he feels in his own pants. That accidental touch is enough for Eren to know it's over, he can't hold back, it has to be TONIGHT.

"Hurry- please- oh shit, Armin," he moans, begs. They switch positions again amidst a tangle of tongues and a barrage of bites. Soon it's just them with only Eren's boxers and Armin's underwear separating their manhood.

"I love you, Eren," Armin slurs. "And you love me?"

Eren nibbles the other boy's- no, they're men now, they have to be- ear, groaning, "oh fuck yes, I love you."

Armin grasps Eren's face in his hands, brings it centimeters from his lips. "Then take me. Please."

And bliss comes in a whirl of screams and raindrops.

. . .

They pull apart one final time, saliva dripping in between. Armin rests his head on Eren's bares chest, while the latter strokes cornsilk hair.

"We did it," Eren breaths.

Armin snuggles closer. "Yeah."

"We fucking did it," Eren repeats. This was, if he was going to be honest, his fantasy since turning 17, and it was finally real. He looks down at his- he isn't even sure anymore. Best friend? Lover?- and asks that most hated yet burning of questions. "What are we?"

"Were you serious earlier? Or was it the heat talking?"

"You really think I would've done all that if I wasn't?" Eren asks incredulously.

Armin laughs, actually LAUGHS. Neither have done that in a long time. "Does it matter? We're US, Eren. That won't ever change. I don't care if others know. Let them. There are more important things to worry about." He places a kiss on Eren's jawline. "So is just being us OK?"

Eren squeezes the younger man tenderly. "Yeah. We're us, damn it. And that's fucking great."

. . .

As the pair falls asleep, the commander watches their tent settle. He smirks. Yes, he was supposed to watch out for the brat. This, in his opinion, was doing just that. The same as he had done in the past.

* * *

So I guess Levi was good after all... huh. *shrugs*

But THEY DID THE DO. OOOH.

One more chapter to go, and it's a tearjerker. Sorry. Not sorry.


End file.
